Finding Love In The Crucible Of Long Term Relationship

The Crucible as a vessel of healing

The Crucible as a vessel of healing

Definition Of “Crucible”

The word “crucible” has several different, but related meanings. As pictured here, and as defined by the Merriam Webster dictionary, a “crucible” is a “vessel in which metals or other substances are heated to a very high temperature, or melted”. The same dictionary also defines a “crucible” as a “difficult test or challenge, and a place or a situation that forces people to change or make difficult decisions”.

Long Term Commitment is a “Crucible” according to all Definitions of this word

How amazing is it that one single word can so eloquently sum up the incredible challenges and infinite rewards of committing fully and wholeheartedly to another person. I’m speaking of romantic love that begins in that “white hot” passionate state of “falling in love” and then slowly mellows and burns a little more slowly with time. But I’m also referring to long term friendships and other kinship bonds. In either case, isn’t it true that our relationships put us through incredible challenges as we experience every possible emotion known to man in order to stay connected to people? Sometimes we may feel it’s not even worth the effort to maintain connections…but somehow we always go back for more. Love is, after all, the “crucible” that holds the secret to healing all that ails us. Perhaps at some level, we know this. Perhaps we can sense that all of our psychological wounds can only be healed through relationship. It’s the only way. We long for this healing, so we need relationship.

Daphne Rose Kingman’s Book “A Garland Of Love: Daily Reflections On The Magic And Meaning Of Love

In Ms. Kingman’s book, she describes the magical properties of love in the following way:

“Love is the crucible. Through love we are invited to resolve our histories. Love is the crucible, the unmeltable changeless container in which we are tested by fire, melted down, and transformed. In love we are formed and reformed by the white heat of the unexpected revisitation of all the things in us that cry out to be healed; our shame and fear, our hurts and insecurities, our conflicts and our endless inner controversies.”

“ Through our beloved we are once again brought face-to-face with what is unresolved in us. We meet again our father’s absence or our brother’s envy, our mother’s cruelty or our sisters’ competition. We see our own childhoods mirrored in every direction. Through love we are invited to reenter them again, but differently, to re-experience and grieve the losses of the past, and thus to redeem them”

Don’t Be Afraid To Enter Into Your Own Crucible

I can’t possibly improve upon the ideas elucidated by Daphne Rose Kingman, so I won’t even try. I can only urge you to hold onto your most important relationships and know that they will be tested in the fiery heat of the “love” crucible. If you need help to navigate your own particular “crucible” of relationship…such help is available. “Imago” couples therapy can help you with struggles with your significant other. Alternatively, personal therapy with a therapist who believes in the healing power of “relationship” within the therapy itself can also heal you.

Ok…I admit my bias on this. Read my blogs to find out more