Giving Thanks For Friendships That Sustain Us


This Thanksgiving I want to give a giant “Shout Out” of thanks to the “Best” of my Best friends. So, who are these people? Over the years I have evolved a definition for exactly who they are, and who they are not. Here is what I have come up with: 

  1. I may have known you for a very short time, or for a very long time. Regardless of this, I know that you “see” me in the very fullest sense of this word. In your “seeing” of me you convey to me through word and deed that you “accept” all that you see.
  2. I understand, and I would like you to understand that fully “seeing” me does not mean that you always agree with me, or that you agree with a particular course of action I may have taken. Quite the contrary, I value you, and would hope that you value me for having the courage to tell me when you feel I am “off course”. I want to know when something I do or say does not “align” with who you think I am. I want to do the same for you. I want to know if I have “hurt” you in anyway….knowingly or unknowingly.
  3. Please do not ignore me when I have displeased or hurt you. Nothing is more insulting or “relationship killing” than a complete lack of communication when there has been a breach in our relationship. Even if you can’t talk to me right now, just tell me that. I can deal with that, rather than the feeling that I am invisible and have no impact on you. If you are doing this to punish me, then you have achieved your purpose, but you have also damaged our relationship.
  4. I find myself wanting to say “please don’t judge me”, but I catch myself wanting to amend this understandable sentiment. Lets be real. Let’s be authentic. You will judge me. I will judge you. Maybe the word “judgement” is the problem. What I want from you is an honest assessment, lovingly delivered, of how I “come across” from your standpoint. I want to know if you are concerned about this. Please…be my mirror…when my own mirror has become clouded or distorted. I will do the same for you. You have my word.

So, that’s it…my list of four essential characteristics of relationships in my life that have nurtured and sustained me. These are the resilient relationships I treasure. They are the ones that last and last, and are unaffected by the boundaries of time and space. I feel the lasting impact, even after death separates me physically from my loved one.

My wish for everyone is to have at least a few of these deep, connecting, and sustaining relationships in your life. You can never have too many, but you need at least a few



Transcendence In Our Most Important Relationships


On Sunday October 30th I attended the “Celebration Of Life” for a good friend and spiritual mentor, Dee Clutts. Dee made her transition on October 16th 2016.

The service was a beautiful, sacred, and inspirational coming together of Dee’s friends, family, and spiritual community. We were all there to honor and remember Dee, and this we did…through singing songs, telling stories, and prayer.

Reflecting upon Dees service in the days following, I realized that it had a purpose which was far greater than remembering and honoring Dee. In that holy place of gathering last Sunday, we were actually invoking Dee’s very presence, and affirming our relationship to her…both individually and collectively.

Yes…..Dee was there. The stories that were told about Dee’s tendency to “control” her environment, the songs that Dee loved, and the biblical passages and poems were all manifestations of Dee herself. She was there.

So….why is it important? Why is it important to invoke the presence of people, ( and other living beings) even when they are no longer with us in the physical form?

In my view the invocation is what creates the relationship within us. If we feel the presence, that means it exists for us, and there is truly no death ever for relationships that we chose to breathe life into.

Such relationships transcend the constraints of time and space, and can be nurtured by our attention to them in the quiet recesses of our hearts. We can call upon the wisdom and love we felt in these relationships whenever we want.

So…that’s where you are for me now, beloved Dee. You are safely tucked into my heart where I see you and feel you still.

Thank you for the gift of your presence