Yesterday I took a stroll through the campus at UC Berkeley. As my “alma mater” this place holds many memories of long ago. This day the air was clear and the campus was virtually deserted due to Covid, so the experience of being there was particularly vivid. As I walked along, feeling blessed by the warmth of the sun and the intermittent sound of birds , my walk became a meditation. With no conscious effort at all, memories flooded me each time I passed a familiar building, or a natural landmark. I was not in any hurry, so I found myself savoring each memory, and in fact re-creating the exact feeling I had experienced a full fifty years ago. Our memories are remarkable that way…just allow the space and the “trigger” of a smell, a sound, or a visual “cue” will bring it all back..
The trick though, as I soon discovered, is that you must be open to all the feelings that rise up when you give them permission to appear. The humiliation I felt after getting back a “D” on an English essay, exists side by side the euphoria of a first “kiss” on that patch of grass near Sproul Hall. You must welcome all the feelings, or none at all. That’s how it works.
As I worked my way back to my car, I began to realize that, at the very core of my being I am in fact the very same person. Yes, I’m older, wiser, more secure in many ways, but the essence of me has been carried forward through all the ups and downs of my life. It’s reassuring to know that there actually is an unshakable core that is me.
When I got back home and checked in with all my “news” sources, I found myself to be fortified with a new kind of reassurance about my own ability to weather uncertainty. Yes, life is unfolding unpredictably right now. I make plans and then have to change plans.. Disappointments abound…for everybody.
My suggestion is to take time to go within. Set aside devices that bombard you with “noise” and rediscover who you are and have always been. If you can find a “place” that holds memories…go there and invite them in. Or…reconnect with old friends, or favorite books. Do whatever it takes to remind yourself of who you are, so you can move forward.