You are Finally face to face with the person you originally connected to online.  Maybe you have been in email correspondence for a while.  Maybe you have spoken on the phone or “video” chatted.  All of these communications are clues as to who you are now looking at.  But…this “in the flesh” meeting is something entirely different.  Does this person look exactly how you had imagined?  How about “body” language?  Are you even more attracted…or actually less attracted?  It has been said that first impressions can be deceiving, but I’m not sure that’s entirely true.  When we are able to read our own “body language” accurately in terms of what it is telling us about how this person “feels” to us, I think we are better off.  The key is to pay attention…to have “situational awareness” at all times.

The first conversation you have with someone new can feel awkward. Usually “conversation” starters involve small talk of some sort.  You can mention the weather, or ask if they had trouble “finding” the meeting space.

After initial pleasantries and “small talk” though, new research suggests that starting conversations with someone new about “deeper” issues rather than more “trivial”ones, means building intimacy faster.  Social Science researcher Arthur Aaron has written extensively about this and his finding is that you can really get to know someone best when you “dive” right into being curious about “larger” issues in someone’s life.  You might ask, for example, about significant childhood experiences, or why a person decided to move to a new location.  Such questions begin to build trust…especially if you signal that you are really “listening” intently to what is being said..and responding with warmth and compassion.  Also, when you allow someone to begin to risk being vulnerable with you, you will also feel comfortable to be vulnerable with them. If neither of you is “opening up” at all…this in itself should tell you something.  How can you build a relationship with someone who is “closed off” in this way?

If you are really serious about finding a “life partner” as many online daters are, you will eventually need to “dive” into asking questions about previous relationships.  This is important information, as it will yield valuable clues as to potential “red flags” and warning signs about this person you are becoming involved with.

More on this later…For the time being just try to discern weather the person you are with has the emotional “bandwidth” to even be a good friend.  Are you comfortable with him/her, and are you starting to “share” information that presents your own self as “less” than perfect.  Does the other person do the same thing?

If so….you’re on the right track.

If not…you may want to “pass” on this one..and continue on with the search.

You haven’t got all the time in the world…after all