The holidays approach. We are all coming to terms with what this means in this very unusual and difficult year. How many times do we hear from everyone around us and the culture at large that “it won’t be the same this year”? Of course it won’t. Most of us can’t be around friends and family physically the way we usually are at this time of the year. There is much to feel sad about, and there is also the worry about more sadness to come. In addition to this though, there is also hope. A multitude of feelings co-exist and all of them are a necessary part of the human experience. So how do we navigate the gravitational “pull” of despair that can sometimes accompany the losses we have already felt? How do we not feel “cheated” out of the weddings and graduations that didn’t happen or the visits with family members that only happen over video platforms? And now…the holidays?. It can feel overwhelming.

My suggestion may seem paradoxical. Simply put…allow yourself to feel the sadness Yes, it can be painful, but it is also true that” active acceptance” of sadness is part of the healing process that brings us to the other side. I was thinking recently about this very “American” idea that we all have the “right” to pursue happiness. I was realizing that although we may have that “right”, it does not follow that we should “expect” a constant state of “happiness”. In fact, if we were “happy” all the time, how would we even know what happiness is. We would have nothing to compare it to.
Here is what I think of this time in the country, and in the world. I believe it to be a time of looking inward, of slowing down, and of feeling feelings in real time. It can be a time of thinking deeply about who we are and where we are in our lives.

As far as relationships, the feeling of “missing” our loved ones is a sign of how deeply attached we are. That’s a good thing…surely something to celebrate and be grateful for. In my own case, my small family “bubble” will be the place for a few small and meaningful rituals, but I’ll go “all out” on the video chats. I’m thinking also that this is the time to go beyond my usual circle and reconnect with people from my past.

We don’t have the luxury right now of lots of physical touch, but we do have our words, so lets all reach out and touch with our genuine feelings, which includes of course our sadness and our longing for physical re-connection. Lets tell people how we feel and what they mean to us.

The “”sweet spot” will happen later when the world feels physically “safe” again. We will come back together and feel incredibly grateful for the touch that we used to take for granted as part of our everyday lives. It’s not time yet, but it’s coming. It brings to mind the saying “The darkest time is before the dawn”. Although it is still dark….I see the dawn on the horizon.