It feels unreal somehow to realize that the “virus” has been upending our lives for an entire year. Rates of anxiety in the United States are sky high, and our children are facing a mental health crisis in a way that we have not seen before. We all realize, of course, that kids are having enormous difficulty socially and emotionally because they are not socializing “in person” at school. So…what can parents do to alleviate the stress? Here are a few tips:

1. Realize that going thru an entire year doing “online” schooling has been difficult for your kids. The more you can talk to your children about how they are feeling, and about how these feelings “make sense” the better. Talking about and “validating” a feeling is very important for all of us, so don’t underestimate the power of your presence and your soothing words.
2. Take a look at the relationship you have with your “significant other”, if you have one, and know that the “relational field” between the two of you affects everyone who lives in the house. Children in particular are very sensitive to “communication” issues that are happening between the adults they live with. With the pandemic, these issues are amplified, because kids literally can’t get away from their parents or guardians. Work on communication issues rather than letting them fester. Do your “couples work” privately though.
3. Not only can kids not get away from parental figures in their lives, but also parents are also not getting away from their kids. Being 24/7 with children can be very stressful for parents as well. With this in mind, try to schedule some “respite” time…if at all possible. Think of it as time to rest, refresh, and reset. It’s very important.
4. Last but not least, take heart. Things are changing rapidly, so look to the future and plan your vacation. We all need to have something to look forward to, so make sure that you put something together for your family. Just the activity of planning is healing and therapeutic, so solicit ideas and discuss them.

I hope these tips are useful to you as we navigate this difficult time together.

For most of us, negotiating our primary relationship is difficult in the best of times. If you are living together and raising a family for example, logistics can be challenging and division of labor is always an issue.

What about when you and your partner don’t agree in a “larger” sense? Maybe your politics and “world view” are in conflict. I’ve been hearing about these kinds of relational conflicts recently. Our world does feel more “polarized” now, and we are homebound and “stuck” with each other more than before. Stress is at very high level for many of us right now, and arguments may erupt more frequently.

What can be done to “calm” these relational waters ? Here are some tips:

1. Remember why you and your partner are together. Whenever possible remind each other of what drew you together in the first place. Revisiting your “origin”story can strengthen your bond
2. If you are finding yourself with strong feelings and a need to express them, arrange a time to have a respectful dialog with your partner. Acknowledge that this is not about who is “right” and who is “wrong”. Its about creating mutual understanding of another point of view.
3. When you have the dialog take the time to carefully listen to your partner. Your goal as the “listener” is to listen with curiosity and empathy. Instead of interrupting whenever you hear something you don’t agree with, ask more questions. The questions are meant to give the listener more “clarity” rather than to challenge what you hear. Make sure you each have time to both talk and listen.
4. When at all possible, find common ground in what you both believe. If you can find this common ground, it becomes a basis of a new level of understanding. Your opinions may not be as far apart as you think.